Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
