if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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