someone threw a dead crab at me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
