therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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