return my video game
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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