When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
