and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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