she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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