cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
