your room smells of hookers.
And success
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
