I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
