and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
