just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
