I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
