Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
