why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
the raccoons are back...
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