im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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