eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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