i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
