So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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