He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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