last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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