Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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