I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
