Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
