Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
