More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
