I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
