If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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