I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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