Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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