Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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