I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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