I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
