Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
whose parrot is this?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
