It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
