I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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