sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
