just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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