Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Randomize
