ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
