So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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