cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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