Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
