he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
