I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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