I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
