My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
