I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
