Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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