Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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