you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
