I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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