That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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