all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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