haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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