as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
