this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
