I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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