oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
