God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
