): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
