Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
