don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so let's talk penis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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