i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to align my fucking chakras
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
