the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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