im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
