I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
