so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
