the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
