I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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