I'm drive I can fine osifer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
