I want to walk on stilts...naked
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
