I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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