No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
