i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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