Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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