He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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