found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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