I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.