Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.