# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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But break dance skills will only take you so far
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.