the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The convent might be a nice break from real life