im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
