my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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