And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
